A situation came up last night that transported me right back to high school. It seems that every time I feel hurt, left out, and forgotten that I remember this particular incidence. It still brings me to tears at times. I thought that I would write it out, and perhaps gain some closure. Perhaps you will have some words of wisdom for me?
I'm about 16. I have invited a bunch of friends over for a little movie party and dinner. Although I didn't actually print out formal invitations, this is not just a get together in my mind - it is a party. Everyone that I asked (5 or 6 of my closest friends) has said they would come. I spend all afternoon making food for them, with my mom helping me. I remember this enormous pot of sloppy joes sitting on the counter, chips, rolls, condiments. House is clean and the movie is all set to go downstairs. The time comes and I wait for people to come, and ... one girl shows up. I was so embarrassed and hurt. I had all this food sitting there. We got our food and went downstairs and watched the movie. It ended up being a very fun time. The next day, not one of my friends said they were sorry they hadn't come. They didn't even remember.
This experience has come back to me and time again. Why can I not get over it? I am a soft hearted person when it comes to others feelings. When I was a little girl, I would even attach feelings to inanimate objects, like silverware. I am by no means perfect at it, but when I hurt someone even a little bit, I feel terrible about it, and sometimes make things even worse by apologizing too much. I cannot forget people, and so when I feel forgotten it hurts me so deeply.
I know that I need to utilize the atonement for this situation. My Savior has never forgotten me. I know he never will. But I also know that he will not come and sit in my living room and play games or watch a movie with me. He has put other people on this earth to do that for me, and I am meant to do that for them too.
I'm sure that there are people that I have hurt deeply without intending to. We all attach different levels of meaning to different relationships. If I have hurt anyone who is reading this, please know that I am sorry. Please let me know, and let me make it up to you. If it would mean to you what it would mean to me, then I know it would mean a lot.
This is a good post Aubrey. We are all human and sometimes feeling left out is a horrible feeling depending on a lot of factors that are currently going on in our own personal lives. I would see why that would hurt you when you were a teenager. When someone hurts us and they are not aware of it, it is our responsibility to forgive them even if they don't ask for forgiveness...many people will not be on the same path of spiritual progression as you and are not ready to apologize or even acknowledge that they need to apologize (thinking they have no fault in the situation) or there are those that have hurt us and are not even aware that they have offended us...that is when we need to lovingly come to that person and have a conversation with them so they are aware we have been hurt or offended...what they do at that point depends on where they are in their spiritual progression and the understanding of the Atonement.
ReplyDeleteA great book to read is The Last Lecture...in chapter 47, he talks about apologies. I am going to quote him a little...
"Students would say to me: 'What if I apologize and the other person doesn't apologize back?' I'd tell them: 'That's not something you can control, so don't let it eat at you'.
If other people owe you an apology, and your words of apology to them are proper and heartfelt, you still may not hear from them for awhile. After all, what are the odds that they get to the right emotional place to apologize at the exact moment you do? So just be patient. Many times in my career, I saw students apologize, and then several days later, their teammates came around. Your patience will be both appreciated and rewarded."